complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
