I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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