I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
