Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
