It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
