I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
