can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
