I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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