Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
