Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
