You were right. It hurts to walk today.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
