Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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