My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
