When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
