Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
