Plan B is the new Plan A
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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