she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
