I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
