Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
