Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
