Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
