i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
