Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We need a shit load of segways right now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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