bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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