Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
