is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
