I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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