I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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