She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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