My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
