my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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