I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
