The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
