now i know why i became what i already was.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
