Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
