im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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