my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
