hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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