first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
