that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
