I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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