adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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