Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
either way he was missing a nipple.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
