Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I could make wine with my vomit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
