So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
