All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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