R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
