The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
