His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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