I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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