I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
