I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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