omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
