dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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