I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize