I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
