Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
