i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
